about this site

Must-Have for new mums

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 13:39:30 +0800

Just sharing from my four months plus experience of being a mom... I feel that there are some essential items for the baby that is important and really nice to have early on.. so it is good to get while you are pregnant or during the first month of your baby’s life.

A childcare book: very essential to have.. a quick reference to any problems or questions you have. Of course Dr. Google can help you too, but having a book during confinement is easier I think.
Baby stimulation cards: fresh babies simply love this. Go to www.brillbaby.com and get it printed.
A baby gym. Sumayyah just absolutely loves it. she’s 4 months plus now and is still enjoying it a lot. Get some extra toys so you can change the hanging toys about. and also it is very portable, can bring it around the house or traveling.
A baby carrier/sling. Invest in a good quality piece, with good support for baby and you. I am very happy with my Snugli by Evenflo. Your back and arms will thank you.
Blankets... a few of them and get one thin one too for hot days.
A breast pump... to express milk in case you are separated from baby or you need to increase milk supply.
Nursing bras are Godsent.
One or two bottles or cups for feeding in case of emergencies.
Bath tub. Really easy to bathe your little one in it.
Changing pad for when you change diapers.. accidents can happen at 3am.. the last thing you want to be doing is changing your bedsheet at that time..

So far, this is it... very, very essential to me... will keep updating the list from time to time.

Safety First

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:12:25 +0800

This morning I was reading about Child Abduction and trafficking in the quake-hit Haiti. Many, many children that have lost their parents are being seduced by international criminals to be lured into prostitution and other crimes. It is really sad, with the promise of food, these children may actually have no good option...

So then, I was thinking about our kids in Malaysia. Child abduction is becoming quite rampant and children missing in shopping complexes are quite common these days. If the child is found by someone responsible, thank God, but if it is otherwise?

So what can we do as parents to help lower the risk of our children missing and if they are missing, increase the chances of getting them back fast?

I always advise the parents that come to see me to equip their child with a safety tag. Make a tag, with stainless steel, can be a bracelet or pendant, bearing the child’s name, and your name and phone number, so that is they go missing, anyone who finds them know who to contact. Teach your child to show the bracelet or pendant to whoever who finds them. This is especially important if your child is young or have speech difficulties.

If you are in KL and wondering where to make these tags, I know one shop called THE DOTZ in IUtama that does it in 30 minutes. I made it for my cat for RM25, it has been 2 years, and the tag is still good. Got to go there and make one for Sumayyah soon.

For older children, you can have a laminated card instead, if the idea of a pendant or bracelet is less appealing to them.

Another thing is to teach your child to identify the security guard/police officer/promoter people who work there so they are of better help.

If you are going to crowded places consider a safety harness for your child. Especially young children. It is better that you tie them to you rather than have them go missing.

It is also important to teach your children their parents full name. So when an announcement has to be done, the child doesn’t say “my daddy’s name is papa”.

There, some basic safety tips for you, relatively simple to do and extremely important. Heaven forbid, if your child is kidnapped, don’t you want the abductors to call you immediately, instead of scare your child, and wait for a few days before they can identify the parents?

Reporting Child Abuse

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 14:21:19 +0800

Yesterday, my husband got a call from a dear friend informing us that his nephew who is a delightful 8 year old special needs child was abused by his maid. This boy suffered multiple injuries; broken fingers and multiple bruises and cuts. I can imagine the pain this boy went through. All I could think of is the psychological effect and trauma this child experienced. He is cared for by his maid in the day, and when his parents comes back, the maid is all nice, but when his parents are away the CCTV shows something else. I was thinking to myself, Thank God for the CCTV or else it would be difficult to know what’s going on as the boy is not able to speak.

I pray for his speedy recovery both physically and psychologically, and I pray that his parents be strong through this ordeal. I really hope they get a good maid as a replacement.

So, it occurred to me then, that they need to report the abuse and get the maid charged. I would charge the agency as well for providing mentally unsound maids. So here are the simple steps to report child abuse if you are the parent / sibling /uncle /aunty.

Go to the police station and make a WRITTEN report. Ensure that you receive the ORIGINAL copy.
If you have CCTV footage, make MULTIPLE copies of the video that has the abuse in it. Keep one in a really safe place. If you have a safe deposit box, keep one copy there.
Take photos of all the injuries sustained by the victims. Both whole and close shots. Print them and keep them safely.
Go to the doctor, get treatment and have the doctor make a WRITTEN report. It is compulsory for doctors to report child abuse.
After you have saved the video and printed the photos, go to the police station where you did your report and show them everything you have to be attached to the report. If you have the doctor’s report attach it as well.
Keep multiple copies of everything you have in different places, in your home, in your office, with a relative. So if things go missing or get stolen, you are covered.

Ok, so those are the steps to report an abuse. Child abuse is serious. Children rarely lie if they are abused. Believe them and be their voice. They surely deserve better.

Eye Contact in Young Children

Thu, 3 Sep 2009 19:13:37 +0800

Eye contact is very important for communication. In fact, you can communicate just by looking at another person. The way you look at a person reflects how you feel at that time (remember when we were little, how our parents would stare at us when they are warning us to stop a particular behavior?).

In very young children, eye contact is a very important medium of communication. We need to have eye contact to have effective communication.

So what is good eye contact in young children? For children below 1 years old, turning their eyes and head when they hear a sound is a good indicator, listening to a caregiver for a while, smiles in response of your funny faces, looking at you and trying to imitate your facial expressions (opening mouth, sticking out tongue, waving hands) are all signs that your child has established eye contact with you.

A child who wants something and cries while looking at your face indicates that he is establishing eye contact.

In older children, around 2-3 years old, when they can demand things from you such as milk or a toy, looking at your face before pointing to the object is a good indicator that your child has eye contact. If your child simply points to the object without looking at you, or just putting your hand on the object without looking at you, it is time to worry. But first start by calling the child getting his attention towards you first, then offer the object. Train the child to look at you first.

Observe how long is your child’s eye contact. Is it sustained? Can your child look at you until you finish a sentence? If his eye contact is fleeting, that is, he looks at you for only 1-3 seconds and then looks away, or if it is erratic, looking all over the place, then start worrying. Kneel to the child’s eye level, hold him and talk to him. Train your child to look at you. If after attempting this, your child’s eye contact is still not established, come and see a psychologist. But of course like I mentioned,get his eyes checked out first .

Parents need to be aware that eye contact starts the first day the child is born. When breast feeding, please look at your child, the distance of your face from your baby’s while nursing is perfect to start teaching eye contact. Even if you are formula feeding your baby, or if the fathers or maids feed the baby instead, ensure that you hold the baby like how you would hold him if he is being breast fed.

As parents, we may sometimes prefer just to scream from the kitchen to our children in the living room. Thus eye contact is not taught. Try at least to look out of your kitchen towards your child before talking to him.

If your child seems to be looking at you but actually is seeing ‘pass’ you. that is eye contact without attention also start worrying and try get his attention back. If he continues this behavior, start worrying as well.

It is important to note that the sooner we teach children good eye contact, the easier it is to have effective communication.

Next time around, I would discuss about feeding issues.

When should you worry?

Tue, 1 Sep 2009 09:46:27 +0800

Every parent worry about their kids being ‘normal’ or not. Is the child healthy, is he smart? Is he delayed? why is he not talking yet? etc..
First, as a clinical psychologist let me assure you that there is no such thing as ‘normal’ development for children.

Children develop at their own pace and some are faster in specific skills whilst some are slower. However, there are certain milestones that you would have to look into, and the age ranges. In the few coming entries, I would outline what you should look out for in your kids and when to seek help and who should you meet.

So the first thing that I feel is very important, and is among the first questions I would ask parents is: Has the hearing and vision of your child been assessed and tested?

Why do I ask this? Usually parents of young children (age 2-6) come to me with children who has speech delay, other developmental delays, behavioral issues, attention deficit and hyperactivity. And for speech delay as well as many other behavioral problems, the root cause could be simply that the child is hearing and vision is not optimum. Young children does not know how to tell you if they can’t hear or see clearly.

Thus, before actually thinking of the worst, that the child is mentally disabled or having any specific disorder, you may want to have his hearing and vision checked out first to rule out these problems.

From my experience in dealing with children, I have seen cases of children not hearing properly just because of hard ear wax blockage, having a screw in his ear (amazingly there was no infection!), having progressive hearing loss, a 3 year old child in desperate need of glasses, power was 400 when they assessed! and the parents were complaining that the girl keeps on bumping and falling...

So who should you go to? Psychologist can’t do this for you. You can go to an eye specialist, or optometrist, but not the computer test they do in shops, the proper vision assessment (dark room and all), and for ears you can either go to an audiologist or an ENT specialist. If you have a family doctor, they may be able to run all the tests too.

If you are in KL, and you want a FREE detailed eye check for your kids or yourself, you can come to my faculty (faculty of Allied Health Sciences) UKM KL, Department of optometry and they’ll arrange for their final year students to run the tests under supervision. Remember to keep aside some time as detailed tests takes around 1-2 hours.

In a nutshell, any problems in your young kids, first thing to rule out is Hearing and Vision problems.

In my next entry I would talk about eye contact in young children.